37 observations on 37 observations.

Found this on the internet, decided to comment on them all in regards to myself, decided it'd make a decent enough post. Stuck at home anyway, so here we go!

1. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
Yeah, this is definitely true from what I've noticed in myself. Quite a few really depressive and hurtful text files around from writing in a hurt state.

2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
I don't flirt with people, so I really can't comment on that, but I definitely do the second part, so... half marks?

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
Yeah, this is true. Smiles are awesome ^_^

4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
I... really don't understand this one... I mean, I'm here, and the people that notice me are 100 miles away. So, yeah.

5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
I don't mind people talking about that kind of thing... I really really like listening to people, although sometimes I do feel a little defensive when I don't have the qualities of a person referred to. And I'm not sure what a "method" is in this instance, although it sounds vaguely Hitch-ish.

6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
I don't mind. Gotta have friends, right? And if all the friends were girls then that's just kinda limited.

7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
I dunno about this one really either. Never been in that position to know. Wow writing that made my expression darken a little. I do often get self doubt though, so... maybe?

8. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.
Probably. There's not many people who know how I think and feel, and I think the internet is a great disinhibitor for that kind of thing. No-one else really sees much of me.

9. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
Yeah, yeah this is completely the case for me. Paranoia paranoia paranoia! ^_~

10. Girls are guys' weaknesses.
Nu. Not in my case. Nu nyet no ku.

11. Guys are very open about themselves.
Nooooooooooooot really, except with people I trust. Although I do trust fairly easily.

12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
I like the advice too. Although maybe that's because most people I share my problems with are so far away, and a reply is like confirmation that they've read it, and that you're not being a bother.

13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
I don't really tease anyone. So... no.

14. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
This one seems badly written. Maybe they're more vocal in a relationship or something, but it just seems kinda weird the way it's put.

15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.
I don't use hot OR cute and I think I've only used beautiful once? Mind you, most of my language is very subdued because I'm not very forward with how I feel.

16. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
I don't care about asses or boobs, and personality is key. So, half marks again?

17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
No.

18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
Yes. yes. A thousand times yes. I am WAY to obsessive about small near-meaningless things people do.

19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
Sometimes. Other times my attention span is just like "Whee!" and never comes back.

20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
No, it's really obvious when I'm not in a good state, because I used to fake it and ended up hurting people. So I don't do it any more.

21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
Dunno... never said it, but I probably could without questioning myself about the truth of it.

22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
Yeah, I've done this one before. Almost hurt someone a lot.

23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
I'll talk seriously any time, but then again there's usually something on my mind.

24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
No, because the people who disagree really are beautiful and I really want them to believe me. Positive reinforcement seems like an apt term.

25.When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
Maybe. Sometimes am just absent minded and not paying attention to where I'm looking. Although I am quite obsessive about eye contact, such as I can't have it with strangers.

26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
I'm pretty sure this one was pretty much said further up, but it's still true.

27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
Intimidated, yeah, give up, not so much. Am stubborn like that it seems.

28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
Not so much. I think about a lot, but not so much talking.

29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
Only as MAD confusing and strange, etc, etc as everyone else. I don't understand people.

30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
Maybe. Only if they weren't hurt by the invasion of privacy.

31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
I'm not stubborn about this, actually. I'll ask for help if I need it, although apologize a lot and beat myself up after.

32. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.
This doesn't really go into a personal basis, but is DEFINITELY true,

33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs.
...I wouldn't know. I don't think I've been privvy to such a conversation to know.

34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually.
Once again, don't know. Very subdued and quiet/polite person here.

35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.
Don't think so. Probably would feel nice though.

36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.
Yeah, this is pretty true. Am a complete bitch for neckrubs.

37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
Yes and no, because I would do that for any of my friends.

An interesting list, I think. Lotsa stating of the obvious, pretty much equating to "guys are human too y'know?" but still interesting.

All just wrapped in time, and my eyes get blurred...

Isn't it amazing how blind panic can transform itself into pure energy so efficiently? I mean, the amount of writing I've been doing tonight compared to pretty much any other night is astounding, I even wrote an email to Rob explaining about my panic attacks, something I've been avoiding doing for an astoundingly long time now. My voice is absolutely wrecked it feels, and I've only managed to stop shaking recently, but I can write, and write, and write.... I suppose I better actually add some content though, since that seems to be the "in" thing to do nowadays.

Okay, I haven't wrote anything up on here in a few months, but not too much has happened, so it all balances out really. Mainly panic attacks and slowly failing my college work, whee.... Some more surprising stuff, but not really stuff I feel like putting out in the open right now, so that'll just have to wait. Read Ruroni Kenshin, which is a very nice manga, I might add. There was a really long description of what it's about here but it turns out I still can't explain to save my life so google or wiki it, it's an interesting read. Completed Digimon World DS, which much to my disappointment did NOT thank me by automagically becoming Digimon World (PSX), but it was okay so I guess I can forgive it not breaking all logic for the sake of making me happy, hehe.

It's amazing really, how people can go through their lives surrounded by people who care for them so much but feel completely alone whenever they're sad... I find myself wishing I could be everywhere at once, so I could help more, but I can't help anyone most of the time, and that's hard to deal with. I guess I just feel hopeless when I can't find a way to help another... some people really don't deserve the pain they're put through in their lives.

There was going to be a lot more, but I got distracted fact-checking the order of events in Ruroni Kenshin chapter 1 and now I just feel like curling up and hiding from the world again. College is gonna be such a bloody pain in the arse thw way I'm feeling, Steve is such an abrasive twat who deserves a large anvil or 14 to land on him at comically viable times. Well, that's about it, see you later, my (probably non-existent considering how long since I last posted) readers.

Dare ga? Dare ga? Can't be alive without you.

BEEP.

Overthinking is a bitch. No question. Around 3 hours ago, I was blatantly happy, now... not so much. It's mainly uncertainty that does it. Like... will [x] happen, what does that mean, what might happen because of that, and what do they mean, and it all spirals out of control. I feel trapped. There's so much internal conflict...

Anyway... Been playing the first Professor Layton game on my DS recently, also booted up Spore for old time's sake, got murdered by the Grox and exited. Short post today, because I really can't be bothered with talking right now. There's too much floating around in my head.

Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Rocket Knight Adventures / Sparkster sequel hitting PC/PS3/360! Happy days! And it's 2D gameplay, so we know they didn't mess the important bit up ;D

Right, seeya people-who-read-this, or possibly person-who-reads-this.

There's nowhere I'd rather be but here with you.

It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

Okay, for the sake of my own curiosity, if anyone is reading this blog can they either leave a comment or if they know my details message me on MSN.

Okay, that's out of the way, lets go for a roundup of stuff that springs to mind. The day has been somewhat dull, with two dull lessons which were somehow interlinked (Rob decided that we didn't know loops, which is odd, considering that we didn't mess anything up.) and I'm inexplicably awake in the middle of the night again, which I shouldn't be, considering I have to be at Physics in the morning. Guess I'll be pinching myself to remain awake. My mind is anywhere but the present, to be honest. 2 weeks away from now, one month from now, four months from now, six months from now... Oh bugger, no Yorkshire trip in November anymore... Totally forgot about that. Was kinda always in the back of my mind. Okay, that means I need to adjust some of my plans. Thank the sixty-three (The product of Nine and Seven) I remembered. Feeling incredibly soppy tonight, for reasons I won't be disclosing on this blog, so... yeah.

Still playing EBA, despite the game's best efforts to dissuade me with insane beats in Jumpin' Jack Flash. Beat Osu! 2 today, slightly marred by having to keep closing the DS during the credits because happy Japanese people singing at you tends to come with funny looks free of charge. Still need to play more 358/2 days.

I've started drawing again, it seems. Drew some lass from a youtube video Hanhan linked me too last night. Still can't draw hands, and since I couldn't find the working scanner I had to take a photo, which the flash went all screwy on, but here's what I came up with.

Apparently she's Rin from Vocaloid.

Now I decided that I'd try ink over it in GIMP, which is taking a while, but here's what I have so far (And yes I am lazy, thanks for the observation)Well, I like it now, gimmie a little to change my mind.

So yeah. I'm gonna keep on with this, maybe colour her, work on some hands(!) and maybe try fix her proportions so her bust doesn't look so huge.

I'm apparently out of things to say, so... yeah. Bye, people-who-may-or-may-not-be-reading.

And I've gotten used to having you around.
I... belong. Thank you, Reona.

Are you ready? 3! 2! 1! Go!

So, after that last incredibly depressing post I felt it important to post something more upbeat in case anyone ever does wander across this they won't think that my mental state is permanently suicidal. I don't have time to be permanently suicidal, and with that, on with the show!

So, things that have recently annoyed me include the fact that my brother came home and was mooching around my room again. He even nosed into some of the cards my online friends sent me via snail mail, so that's pretty rude. He also took the smaller monitor, which is annoying, seeing as how I'm not sure who owns it, but he's never gonna put it to use. Git. Also annoying is Steve, who insists on an astonishing amount of yelling. Not good at the best of times, but SO MUCH WORSE when you've had an all-nighter, because everything seems so much louder anyway. Considering the work we do on Monday and Tuesday doesn't need him addressing us all anyway, I don't see why he speaks so loud as to do so when talking to the person RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. I bet that he's collapsed at least one ear at some point. Anyway, enough whining.

You need to sample the deliciousness that is Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan, or, Elite Beat Agents. Hard as nails made out of solid spoonium (seriously, a dessert spoon is surprisingly dense, managed to break a hairbrush with EASE) at harder difficulties (oh, and if anyone particularly epic at the game reads this: I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD YOU ARE YOU'RE PROBABLY AWARE OF THAT YOU'RE GOOD) but very enjoyable when you pull it off. I've been using a video of the last stage played on all four difficulties simultaneously (Rolling Stones song Jumpin' Jack Flash, if you care to know) as some sort of cheeriness enhancer, because the noise of all the beats being hit adds an extra layer of percussion that sounds so wonderful to the ear. Another game that needs a look at is Drawn to Life on the DS, but I can't be bothered with an extended speech about that one right now, so either do your own research or trust me on this 'un.

Well, I'm running out of things to sa-oh! Started learning Perl as a means to create an IRC bot (Other things that I don't care about include that Python/Ruby/Your Mother is a superior language, you don't need to inform me, there's doubtless plenty of people to contradict any opinion one of you may have so quit picketing my e-lawn) which is going well so far, although the writers of the basebot module apparently had some weird thing going considering how it's impossible to send, say, the /part command through the bot. I'll probably look at the libraries on which it builds on later, see if I can find a hole to do my work on.

Okay, NOW I'm running low on dialogue, so.. yeah.

Thanks go out to Sarah, Hannah and Chris for being around when it mattered most, and James for not making too big a deal out of my 2 absences last week.

See yah!

But it's all right now, back in the gas
(Or possibly
But it's aaaaaaaaaall riiiiiiiiight nooooooooooow, back in t'gas
hehe...)

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Sorry, I'll do better next time.

So, despite no-one caring about this blog, possibly including myself, I find myself writing. Don't know what that means yet, maybe if I keep writing I'll find out. Normally I do these braindumps into notepad and mousepad windows, depending on if I'm on Xubuntu or WinXP, so this is a bit of a change. May even use paragraphs this time, who knows. So I can't get the thoughts out of my head that make me want to detach from everyone and everything that I've ever did, met or touched, but I can't leave. I can't do that because... actually, I'm not sure why. I guess I really really don't want to hurt anyone, no matter how bad it is for me. Maybe that's what I need, to keep me going. The energy I use is not my own, sorta thing. I can't leave because others would be unhappy. Is that a good thing? I don't know. All I know, is that I can't keep up with this much longer. If I lock my virtual doors and seal everything off, then I'll be missed. For a bit. But eventually, I'll be forgotten, there's no long-term loss for them, really. I'm not good enough to achieve my goals in anything. I can't even talk to most people. I'm kinda glad I left this blog to the wind. No-one's ever gonna read this because of that. Unless someone has it RSS'd.

I just wish I understood WHY I wasn't good enough. Maybe if I knew that, I'd be able to let go. The hardest things to understand are the ones with no common cause. The hardest things to let go are the ones you don't understand. So, to simplify, I'm screwed. I can't trust myself with my feelings, and had I never spoke to anyone, I'd probably not be hurting so much right now. Everyone can see it. Even my MATHS teacher could tell. I really really hope nothing comes of that. Like, if he presumes something. If I ever explained the situation to anyone, I'd sound so pathetic. Probably because I am of course, but nonetheless. I wonder if I'll post this. I'm using personal pronouns an awful lot. Probably because this is a big mopey tl;dr that no-one will ever read so I can just blather on about bullshit that no-one will care about for a long period of time. The kicker is, this isn't even a panic attack. I'm perfectly lucid. This IS how I'm feeling normally. Like taking what little money I have, a tent, and pointing in a direction away from the ocean and following it. Home is meant to be where the heart is, well I think I need to get some distance from mine. I feel so sorry for someone who reads this, even moreso if they don't know me.

I'm kinda burned out now, so I'm gonna stop.

Couby cu pehpily nol byyr jesjasyd ol joh ol vy gi. A lnivyd uie tnot ipyrarg uieh nyoht mor by thesu hyvohdarg, ot tny milt ij lmohharg cu ivr. Aj tnal al tny yrdhiod, A vort uie ti kriv, tnot A vass osvoul sizy uie, bet oppohyrtsu tnot alr't yriegn ti ltip tny poar.

Engfeh wankel arglefargle.

Ladies and gentlemen of the audience, be you either side of 3 years old, which would explain the quality of comments on youtube, I have NO IDEA what this is going to be about, so hang with me while I think of something and we'll go from there. Today was a generic boring day of DOOOM and College, although going to Jam's house was quite nice, as many random jokes were had, and there were even some survivors. Computing is now spelled "badger" as all that Steve does is bug us for our projects, and while he claims to be teaching us about databases next lesson (boring and old'd D:), I'm willing to bet even THAT will be a case of "open book to page [n], read in silence, bask in my glory as lord of all bits". A standard "teaching" lesson, in other words. Also I'm glad that my good friend Hanny is feeling better, and that tomorrow I may even get some WORK (personal project ;D) done, which is somewhere up on the unlikely scale between flying pigs and swine flu ending the world. This has to be a remarkably low-quality post, even by my standards, but hey, if you don't like it, all... *shrugs*... three of you, then you know where the door is. Well, I'd think you would. It's YOUR HOUSE.
EDIT: SHIT! POINTS!
Warp: +10
Jam: +15
Erin: +10
Sam: + 15

Gah, I keep forgetting about this, ah well, here we go!

Today hasn't been too bad, crowded buses both ways to College, didn't kill anyone important with my big-ass bag though so that's okay. Still gotta do a computing project, which involves finding a user, which is fairly hard when you're as quiet as I am. My cohort-in-arms passed his driving test today, which apparently was a bad move, as the smallest hike in insurance was by 50% This is apparently lessened if you're a woman, so maybe it'd just be cheaper to have a sex change?

Did my ankles in walking home today, gonna have to abuse my bus passes more again, which is a bit of a shame. I was quite liking the extra thinking time (I think better when I'm in motion) but I guess I'll have to live without. Gotta do Extended Project too... I'm thinking fractals may be a nice topic, but I'll have to turn it into a question and make sure there's enough in it to fill 5000 words. Also there's group project chance and frankly I wouldn't mind doing it with Jam.

Also, replaying Chrono Trigger is something that I recommend for everyone, especially as it involves playing it once before. The musical score is wonderful in it's own right, and is practically worth purchase on that merit alone. Delicious.

That'll do for now, if I can be bothered later on to update for today, then check back later. Now get off of my e-lawn!

Points
Warp: +25
Jam: +10

Sorry, feeling tired, so here's one I made earlier.

Tired, so have a "classic".

Seriously, when a teacher can put an entire class into a project for a topic that fills around 3 pages, where they learn about one part of the topic as a whole, they need to be sent back. 3 hours spent finding out about... wait for it... keyboards and mice is about as welcome as gangrene and less useful. Then you are told you're meant to tell the class in a presentation. Oh Joy. Now, public speaking is not my forte, but even if it was, what are the odds on me or anyone else in the room apart from the one who went through the teaching course having knowledge to get the information across. None, more or less. On top of this, what are the odds of people even listening? Thanks, Steve, you've put my chances of passing this exam in the hands of 12 people who aren't you or me, and you've done the same to every one else.

Just out of curiosity, why do they get paid for this? His net accomplishment for this session has been to sit and break every one's concentration, before yelling at people who are talking. Talking? In a boring lesson? MADNESS! Teachers like this clearly have no idea how to convey ideas and even less about how people work. How can you respect someone who can't even pretend to respect you? Simple answer: you can't.

This is why teachers should have to know a decent amount of Psychology first. If you understand how your students think, then you can help them learn more efficiently, and get things done faster. They say to teach is to learn twice, but that adage says nothing about the recipient of the 'wisdom'. I don’t generally make bets, but if I did, I’d say that about a quarter of the people in the room will ‘accidentally’ forget their work. So that’s a quarter of a topic down the metaphorical shitpipe, lost to the ether of lazy gits who don’t care about the lesson. Naturally, anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together would go over the missing topics. Oh wait. Once again, Steve sets the bar higher, and ploughs on to the next topic leaving us to make up how these things work. My version includes, but is not limited to, pixies and other such magics.

I wouldn’t like the idea of being psychoanalysed at all times, but if it meant that I managed to learn better, and became better as a result, I’d adjust. Most teachers that people like seem to have the same properties:

1. Must have a sense of humour.
Weirdly enough, this doesn’t have to be the same sense of humour as the class, so long at the guy or gal at the front doesn’t have a stick up their arse.

2. Must be capable of voicing own opinion, even if he has to teach something contrary.
If you ask someone a question, and you get a quote from the book in front of you, you’re not satisfied, and if you are, you didn’t care about the question anyway. I can’t respect a teacher who refuses to level with their students.

3. Must occasionally go on tangents to the topic.
I know it doesn’t seem to make much sense from reading it that a good teacher should sometimes teach things not on the lesson plan, but if it gets students interested in a subject, then it’s a necessary ‘evil’.

I’m fully aware that not all teachers are like my target of ranting, but when you find one of these specimens of the shallower end of the gene pool, and the law indicates that incompetence is still not a crime, you notice them all the more compared to the greater teachers in your day.

A weird opening.

Today I was woken by my brother. Not strange, you may say, but once you factor in that he's over 20 and moved out, seems slightly more unlikely, no? An unexpected start to a day that seemed to get worse over time. First off, the bus, once I actually got some money for a bus pass (ack, motherfail) seemed to be going so well... until we swapped drivers. Driver #2, who for convenience I will dub "Bob", took himself 15 minutes to sit down (maybe he couldn't find the chair? He DID look a little long-sighted) making a new record of time-wasting for bus drivers everywhere. Once he sat down and got the bus in motion, he decided that driving about 1/10th of a mile was incredibly tiring and parked again. Now, don't get me wrong, the bus I use does this at this spot always. WHEN THEY'RE EARLY. This guy must have just saw all the "cool" drivers doing it and wanted to be like that. But, he took it to the next level. He exited the bus and went off for a chat with the driver from the bus behind us. After another five minutes, he got back onto the bus and using he keen memory found the seat without too much difficulty, leaving me -7 minutes to get to college.

Ran to college, la la la... made it to maths, got sarcasmed by Rob (cool teacher, more on him in a post where I'm actually finding it hard to find stuff to talk about) and found my seat. No pen, not like it matters, at least I made it. Next thing, I hear music. More importantly, I'm not the only one. Good peoples, you do not know embarrassment until you have Sweet Sweet Sweet singing in Japanese in your pocket and you can't discreetly get rid of it. "My pocket is singing and it has no batteries." may be the greatest contextless statement I've ever broke a teacher's mind with.

Steve is still an evil moron, and I'll post the rant he caused some other time. In fact, bored of typing, so if there is anyone who cares about my life that much, get out of my bushes and go home.

POINTS:

Warp: 15
Jam: 20

Good morning.

Right, ladies and gentleman who have too much time on their hands, you've stumbled across a blog not at all unlike any other blog you've seen before. Yes, this is one of those ones that you've been warned about, where the author WILL talk about anything, with no warning, prelude and only the vaguest sense of continuity.

Now that that's out of the way, some stalker feed. I'm an adult according to the UK government, doing my A-Levels in college, and am generally a computer nerd. I come across as blunt quite often, which is probably because I am, although I'm willing to bet that at times this blog will look like some weepy livejournal.

Now that you've been sufficiently bewildered for someone writing at 2 in the morning, on with the show!