BEEP.

Overthinking is a bitch. No question. Around 3 hours ago, I was blatantly happy, now... not so much. It's mainly uncertainty that does it. Like... will [x] happen, what does that mean, what might happen because of that, and what do they mean, and it all spirals out of control. I feel trapped. There's so much internal conflict...

Anyway... Been playing the first Professor Layton game on my DS recently, also booted up Spore for old time's sake, got murdered by the Grox and exited. Short post today, because I really can't be bothered with talking right now. There's too much floating around in my head.

Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Rocket Knight Adventures / Sparkster sequel hitting PC/PS3/360! Happy days! And it's 2D gameplay, so we know they didn't mess the important bit up ;D

Right, seeya people-who-read-this, or possibly person-who-reads-this.

There's nowhere I'd rather be but here with you.

It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

Okay, for the sake of my own curiosity, if anyone is reading this blog can they either leave a comment or if they know my details message me on MSN.

Okay, that's out of the way, lets go for a roundup of stuff that springs to mind. The day has been somewhat dull, with two dull lessons which were somehow interlinked (Rob decided that we didn't know loops, which is odd, considering that we didn't mess anything up.) and I'm inexplicably awake in the middle of the night again, which I shouldn't be, considering I have to be at Physics in the morning. Guess I'll be pinching myself to remain awake. My mind is anywhere but the present, to be honest. 2 weeks away from now, one month from now, four months from now, six months from now... Oh bugger, no Yorkshire trip in November anymore... Totally forgot about that. Was kinda always in the back of my mind. Okay, that means I need to adjust some of my plans. Thank the sixty-three (The product of Nine and Seven) I remembered. Feeling incredibly soppy tonight, for reasons I won't be disclosing on this blog, so... yeah.

Still playing EBA, despite the game's best efforts to dissuade me with insane beats in Jumpin' Jack Flash. Beat Osu! 2 today, slightly marred by having to keep closing the DS during the credits because happy Japanese people singing at you tends to come with funny looks free of charge. Still need to play more 358/2 days.

I've started drawing again, it seems. Drew some lass from a youtube video Hanhan linked me too last night. Still can't draw hands, and since I couldn't find the working scanner I had to take a photo, which the flash went all screwy on, but here's what I came up with.

Apparently she's Rin from Vocaloid.

Now I decided that I'd try ink over it in GIMP, which is taking a while, but here's what I have so far (And yes I am lazy, thanks for the observation)Well, I like it now, gimmie a little to change my mind.

So yeah. I'm gonna keep on with this, maybe colour her, work on some hands(!) and maybe try fix her proportions so her bust doesn't look so huge.

I'm apparently out of things to say, so... yeah. Bye, people-who-may-or-may-not-be-reading.

And I've gotten used to having you around.
I... belong. Thank you, Reona.

Are you ready? 3! 2! 1! Go!

So, after that last incredibly depressing post I felt it important to post something more upbeat in case anyone ever does wander across this they won't think that my mental state is permanently suicidal. I don't have time to be permanently suicidal, and with that, on with the show!

So, things that have recently annoyed me include the fact that my brother came home and was mooching around my room again. He even nosed into some of the cards my online friends sent me via snail mail, so that's pretty rude. He also took the smaller monitor, which is annoying, seeing as how I'm not sure who owns it, but he's never gonna put it to use. Git. Also annoying is Steve, who insists on an astonishing amount of yelling. Not good at the best of times, but SO MUCH WORSE when you've had an all-nighter, because everything seems so much louder anyway. Considering the work we do on Monday and Tuesday doesn't need him addressing us all anyway, I don't see why he speaks so loud as to do so when talking to the person RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. I bet that he's collapsed at least one ear at some point. Anyway, enough whining.

You need to sample the deliciousness that is Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan, or, Elite Beat Agents. Hard as nails made out of solid spoonium (seriously, a dessert spoon is surprisingly dense, managed to break a hairbrush with EASE) at harder difficulties (oh, and if anyone particularly epic at the game reads this: I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD YOU ARE YOU'RE PROBABLY AWARE OF THAT YOU'RE GOOD) but very enjoyable when you pull it off. I've been using a video of the last stage played on all four difficulties simultaneously (Rolling Stones song Jumpin' Jack Flash, if you care to know) as some sort of cheeriness enhancer, because the noise of all the beats being hit adds an extra layer of percussion that sounds so wonderful to the ear. Another game that needs a look at is Drawn to Life on the DS, but I can't be bothered with an extended speech about that one right now, so either do your own research or trust me on this 'un.

Well, I'm running out of things to sa-oh! Started learning Perl as a means to create an IRC bot (Other things that I don't care about include that Python/Ruby/Your Mother is a superior language, you don't need to inform me, there's doubtless plenty of people to contradict any opinion one of you may have so quit picketing my e-lawn) which is going well so far, although the writers of the basebot module apparently had some weird thing going considering how it's impossible to send, say, the /part command through the bot. I'll probably look at the libraries on which it builds on later, see if I can find a hole to do my work on.

Okay, NOW I'm running low on dialogue, so.. yeah.

Thanks go out to Sarah, Hannah and Chris for being around when it mattered most, and James for not making too big a deal out of my 2 absences last week.

See yah!

But it's all right now, back in the gas
(Or possibly
But it's aaaaaaaaaall riiiiiiiiight nooooooooooow, back in t'gas
hehe...)

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Sorry, I'll do better next time.

So, despite no-one caring about this blog, possibly including myself, I find myself writing. Don't know what that means yet, maybe if I keep writing I'll find out. Normally I do these braindumps into notepad and mousepad windows, depending on if I'm on Xubuntu or WinXP, so this is a bit of a change. May even use paragraphs this time, who knows. So I can't get the thoughts out of my head that make me want to detach from everyone and everything that I've ever did, met or touched, but I can't leave. I can't do that because... actually, I'm not sure why. I guess I really really don't want to hurt anyone, no matter how bad it is for me. Maybe that's what I need, to keep me going. The energy I use is not my own, sorta thing. I can't leave because others would be unhappy. Is that a good thing? I don't know. All I know, is that I can't keep up with this much longer. If I lock my virtual doors and seal everything off, then I'll be missed. For a bit. But eventually, I'll be forgotten, there's no long-term loss for them, really. I'm not good enough to achieve my goals in anything. I can't even talk to most people. I'm kinda glad I left this blog to the wind. No-one's ever gonna read this because of that. Unless someone has it RSS'd.

I just wish I understood WHY I wasn't good enough. Maybe if I knew that, I'd be able to let go. The hardest things to understand are the ones with no common cause. The hardest things to let go are the ones you don't understand. So, to simplify, I'm screwed. I can't trust myself with my feelings, and had I never spoke to anyone, I'd probably not be hurting so much right now. Everyone can see it. Even my MATHS teacher could tell. I really really hope nothing comes of that. Like, if he presumes something. If I ever explained the situation to anyone, I'd sound so pathetic. Probably because I am of course, but nonetheless. I wonder if I'll post this. I'm using personal pronouns an awful lot. Probably because this is a big mopey tl;dr that no-one will ever read so I can just blather on about bullshit that no-one will care about for a long period of time. The kicker is, this isn't even a panic attack. I'm perfectly lucid. This IS how I'm feeling normally. Like taking what little money I have, a tent, and pointing in a direction away from the ocean and following it. Home is meant to be where the heart is, well I think I need to get some distance from mine. I feel so sorry for someone who reads this, even moreso if they don't know me.

I'm kinda burned out now, so I'm gonna stop.

Couby cu pehpily nol byyr jesjasyd ol joh ol vy gi. A lnivyd uie tnot ipyrarg uieh nyoht mor by thesu hyvohdarg, ot tny milt ij lmohharg cu ivr. Aj tnal al tny yrdhiod, A vort uie ti kriv, tnot A vass osvoul sizy uie, bet oppohyrtsu tnot alr't yriegn ti ltip tny poar.